What is my role as a mom?
It's strange that over the years I've watched mom's that I thought were good and I thought were bad. I used to look at mom's in the playground when my son was little and see how each interacted with their child. I often wondered which mom was right in the way they handled things and which mom was wrong. I once watched a mom allow, a young child around age four, to climb monkey bars so high whilst she did nothing but read a magazine. At the same time, I saw a mom help another child of about the same age, climb the same monkey bars and hold her hands up lest he fall. I watched my own child slide up and down a slide and run form equipment to equipment as I intently watched him interact with other kids. The mom's whose kids were on the monkey bars interested me. I wondered if the child who wasn't really being watched would fall, and I wondered what would happen if he did.
20 years pass.......
I look back to those days of playgrounds and monkey bars and I wonder how those kids fared. Did the mom who helped her child up the bars have an independent child? Or did he grow to be dependent on mom to swoop in and fix his life. Was she wrong for helping? I mean, it's not wrong to help your child and teach your child. I look back and realize that neither parent was wrong, but it is in essence how the child responds to the help that makes the difference. Some kids love to be with mommy and love getting that help. Some are more independent, stubborn and strong willed. When little they may accept help, but inside their little hearts they are seething to be left alone. Which child was which on the playground that day? Which became independent in a healthy way and which didn't? Which received help before going off to college and responded with gratitude and perseverance and which was weak minded and un-appreciative and took the help and used it for evil or did nothing with it. I see now that we have a generation of kids who don't respond well to help from mom and dad. They use it to their advantage so they can do what they want. I wonder which kids were those on the play ground receiving help on the monkey bars and how the kids that didn't receive help and had moms sitting on the bench reading the magazines responded to life around them later on.
Colleges today:
Colleges today come in many different forms and sizes and each have their own rules, but one thing is for sure. Most kids today are NOT getting the message that when they go to college it is a chance for them to grow and become adults. Unfortunately, there are those colleges today that are known for housing some of the most elite students, but a secret faction lies underneath. A deep and dark and dirty secret stands in some of the more elite groups. In actuality it's everywhere.What is that secret? Mom and dad are still holding their hands up and helping them climb the proverbial monkey bars. Is it wrong? NO , but I have come to realize that many of our kids are responding very badly. I am coming to realize that more and more respond with the following:
One response:
" Oh my mom and dad pay for everything so I study, but mostly I party and I love to smoke(weed)" There is a generation of kids that are saying, "It's just weed." They really believe this and can even produce studies that it's no big deal and does NO harm. Mind you, I come from an era that drugs were very prevalent and even then No one was saying, "it's just weed." o.k. maybe a little bit, but everyone that did drugs knew it was not great for them, yet they did it because they wanted to. Now our kids have learned to do it and attach an excuse to it. This excuse for many can end in great harm. This could include addiction, jail, or death. How many parents have kids that go off to college only to receive that call, that they have over dosed, been arrested or worse? How many have taken the long ride to rehab with their adult child to receive help for a problem that didn't have to be.
Another response:
"Oh I don't care about school. I'm here to get married . My mom wants me to find a good man. I just do my work, party, snort a little cocaine now and again to fit it, and so long as I don't get caught, and don't hurt anyone, I'm good."
I'm tired of the attitude today of students in colleges that think it's okay to, "Do as thou wilt" in the name of free thinking. Many get degrees, some end badly and earn nothing, but neither seem to have God. Today's young adult doesn't even believe in God, and if they once did, many arrive there and change over to the dark side. Satan is on the prowl and he knows where he can get an easy hit. College is his play ground and the monkey bars are monitored by his minions. He knows that parents lose control at this stage in life. It's the perfect playground for him because he knows he can take your children and make them his and they become : THE PRODIGAL.
So, if you were that parent that loved to help and your child appreciated it, GREAT!
If you were that parent that loved to help, and your adult child responded with drugs, and worse, then what to do? It becomes a battle for their life both spiritually and physically? As parents of these young adults we learn new strategies. We Learn terms like enabling vs. helping. Learning how to step away and let go and understanding that, in the end.... either way, God is the missing piece of this puzzle no matter which way your off spring chooses to respond.
It's time to put the responsibility on our adult children and not own their chaos nor their success. Be proud or angry all day long, but in the end whose life is it? How do we respond ? Perhaps there in lies the key.
20 years pass.......
I look back to those days of playgrounds and monkey bars and I wonder how those kids fared. Did the mom who helped her child up the bars have an independent child? Or did he grow to be dependent on mom to swoop in and fix his life. Was she wrong for helping? I mean, it's not wrong to help your child and teach your child. I look back and realize that neither parent was wrong, but it is in essence how the child responds to the help that makes the difference. Some kids love to be with mommy and love getting that help. Some are more independent, stubborn and strong willed. When little they may accept help, but inside their little hearts they are seething to be left alone. Which child was which on the playground that day? Which became independent in a healthy way and which didn't? Which received help before going off to college and responded with gratitude and perseverance and which was weak minded and un-appreciative and took the help and used it for evil or did nothing with it. I see now that we have a generation of kids who don't respond well to help from mom and dad. They use it to their advantage so they can do what they want. I wonder which kids were those on the play ground receiving help on the monkey bars and how the kids that didn't receive help and had moms sitting on the bench reading the magazines responded to life around them later on.
Colleges today:
Colleges today come in many different forms and sizes and each have their own rules, but one thing is for sure. Most kids today are NOT getting the message that when they go to college it is a chance for them to grow and become adults. Unfortunately, there are those colleges today that are known for housing some of the most elite students, but a secret faction lies underneath. A deep and dark and dirty secret stands in some of the more elite groups. In actuality it's everywhere.What is that secret? Mom and dad are still holding their hands up and helping them climb the proverbial monkey bars. Is it wrong? NO , but I have come to realize that many of our kids are responding very badly. I am coming to realize that more and more respond with the following:
One response:
" Oh my mom and dad pay for everything so I study, but mostly I party and I love to smoke(weed)" There is a generation of kids that are saying, "It's just weed." They really believe this and can even produce studies that it's no big deal and does NO harm. Mind you, I come from an era that drugs were very prevalent and even then No one was saying, "it's just weed." o.k. maybe a little bit, but everyone that did drugs knew it was not great for them, yet they did it because they wanted to. Now our kids have learned to do it and attach an excuse to it. This excuse for many can end in great harm. This could include addiction, jail, or death. How many parents have kids that go off to college only to receive that call, that they have over dosed, been arrested or worse? How many have taken the long ride to rehab with their adult child to receive help for a problem that didn't have to be.
Another response:
"Oh I don't care about school. I'm here to get married . My mom wants me to find a good man. I just do my work, party, snort a little cocaine now and again to fit it, and so long as I don't get caught, and don't hurt anyone, I'm good."
I'm tired of the attitude today of students in colleges that think it's okay to, "Do as thou wilt" in the name of free thinking. Many get degrees, some end badly and earn nothing, but neither seem to have God. Today's young adult doesn't even believe in God, and if they once did, many arrive there and change over to the dark side. Satan is on the prowl and he knows where he can get an easy hit. College is his play ground and the monkey bars are monitored by his minions. He knows that parents lose control at this stage in life. It's the perfect playground for him because he knows he can take your children and make them his and they become : THE PRODIGAL.
So, if you were that parent that loved to help and your child appreciated it, GREAT!
If you were that parent that loved to help, and your adult child responded with drugs, and worse, then what to do? It becomes a battle for their life both spiritually and physically? As parents of these young adults we learn new strategies. We Learn terms like enabling vs. helping. Learning how to step away and let go and understanding that, in the end.... either way, God is the missing piece of this puzzle no matter which way your off spring chooses to respond.
It's time to put the responsibility on our adult children and not own their chaos nor their success. Be proud or angry all day long, but in the end whose life is it? How do we respond ? Perhaps there in lies the key.
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